Written in the spirit of a particular Family Guy, I really started writing this note because I found it silly that people make New Year's resolutions. By the end of it, it had evolved into a laundry list of some of societies more annoying but less controversial habits that I thought should be eradicated. Like an infestation of vermin, or, something.
So this post was almost entitled, "Musings of a [Not So] Madman", but I guess either title works, so really, read at your own risk.
Why you ask? (As always...) Well, it occurred to me that most people make New Year's resolutions. Some just choose one thing the want to change in their lives, or something they want to start (or stop) doing... Others make a whole list and enthusiastically proclaim that they'll be checking things off said list as they have their most productive year to date!
Well, I say, stop. Stop making new year's resolutions. If there's something in your life that you aren't happy with, just change it. Right then and there. Don't procrastinate for an entire year until you find you haven't achieved it and have to try it all again next year anyway. If you've managed to achieve your new years resolutions in the past, well hey, more power to you - but here's a thought.
Instead of making resolutions, why not convince the world, that on New Years Day, we should all just stop being assholes? Here is a list of things people should STOP doing in order to achieve such an end and make the world a better place.
1) Littering. There really is no excuse. If the crap is yours, please, relieve the rest of us of it and hang onto it until you get to a trash can. You don't want whatever the particular item is, so what makes you think any of the rest of us want to see it?
2) Hitting people with your shoulder as you walk through a crowd. Seriously, there's no excuse. If I can swivel my entire body to avoid your damn shoulder, well hell, the least you could do is have the decency, or common sense, to move yours an inch.
3) Blowing smoke in other peoples' faces "unintentionally". You're surrounded by people, and you're telling me, that just then, at that particular moment, you feel the need to release your second hand smoke? Stop complaining about how expensive cigarettes are, and how much you hate the "sin" tax, and swallow that shit.
4) Smoking. You're killing babies. Real babies. You're increasing the infant mortality rate unless you're doing it in a cellar somewhere. Seriously, I'll show you an extensive study by one Chay Greenstone that proves it. Just stop.
5) Voting your conscience. Voting your conscience is like saying you're too lazy to take a look at the issues and vote yourself. Jiminy Cricket was a smart guy, but that didn't stop Pinocchio from getting swallowed by a whale. If you're going to vote, pay attention to politics, engage in public discourse, do some introspection and obtain as objective an understanding of the issues and how they affect you as an individual (as much as humanly possible) before casting your ballot. Otherwise, you might as well move to China where your vote ain't worth graphite you make your mark with anyway. (Graphite - pencil - get it? Good.)
6) Hating the French if you're an American. Think back to your high school history classes - remember who helped liberate you from the British? This country would not exist if not for the French. There's even a miniature Statue of Liberty in Paris - and guess what? It's the original.
7) Hating Americans in you're French. Okay, so W screwed up. Next time you're devouring a royale avec frommage (read: Big Mack with Cheese for the non-francophones), kindly remember where it came from, and that it was discontinued in Germany.
8) Buying Pez-Dispensers. THEY WON'T STOP MAKING THEM UNTIL YOU STOP BUYING THEM!!!
9) Walking on the wrong side of the sidewalk/street/pathway/corridor/aisle, etc! Know the convention of the country you're in! You wouldn't drive on the wrong side of the road, would you?
10) NOT watching Prison Break. Seriously. It's the most underrated show on television. Take a look, I promise you won't be disappointed - Mondays at 8 on Fox.
*Phew* Okay, that's it. Got it out of my system. Happy New Year all!
Love,
New-Years-Scrooge
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